The danger of pride

"Pride is a tricky, glorious, double-edged feeling."

Adrienne Rich

Pride is generally seen with a positive connotation for most people.  I see it as a tool whose role can be just as negative as it can be positive.

The positive role it serves stems from the motivation it can bring to create/do things that you are proud of, and end satisfaction of accomplishing those very things.  This is very important and rarely will I fault anyone for finding ways to motivate themselves to do better, be better, or strive for better lives.  The positive role can be expanded on quite a bit, but for the purpose of this post, I want to focus on the danger that goes along with pride because I don't feel like it is talked about enough.

To me, pride it innately personal.  The things I am proud of I see as a reflection of myself; a reflection of the standards I carry as a person.  The people I am proud of are the people that live up to my standards.  Standards are a reflection of your own values, ethics, morals, philosophy and perspectives and ultimately set the bar for how you judge what is 'good enough.'  Because these are all reflections of what you think, they are naturally not necessarily a reflection of what other people think -- and this is where things get tricky.

The negative role that pride plays in society stems from the defensiveness that surfaces when your pride is hurt or questioned.  Most people have established their standards from experiences throughout their lives, and their standards can change as they experience new things.  Because of this, almost everyone's standards are different, and almost everyone thinks their standards are right -- at least in the moment they are questioned.  Either his standards are too narrow-minded or her's are too tolerant.  This type of thinking perpetuates people to lose one-selves humility, and pass into a sense of superiority.  "You think you're better than me?"

The honest truth is, when your livelihood is questioned, when your values are questioned, you are most likely going to react, and that reaction might or might not be rational.  But here is the thing: in the same way that you don't like your standards questioned, they aren't going to like theirs questioned when you react.

When your pride is hurt or questioned, take a second and think: is anything you are about to do (or not do) going to change what you think of yourself or what they think of themselves? Will your reaction help? Are you really "defending your honor" or are you sinking to their level?  I do think that sometimes it is worth it to fight for what you believe in because it can make a difference. I just urge you to ask yourself if it is a fight you can win -- and really think about what winning really is.

Pride can be an invaluable tool that motivates and amplifies satisfaction, but I have seen almost as many times, if not more, it forces irrational reactions.  Understand when to push forward and when to pull back -- use it as a tool rather than boundary.