Take time to enjoy life

"We're so busy watching out for what's just ahead of us that we don't take time to enjoy where we are." 

Bill Watterson

Someone asked the Dalai Lama what surprises him most. He responded: 

"Man. Because he sacrifices his health in order to make money. Then he sacrifices money to recuperate his health. And then he is so anxious about the future that he does not enjoy the present; the result being that he does not live in the present or the future; he lives as if he is never going to die, and then he dies having never really lived."

Previously, I wrote about the need to live in the now, but I want to write about how we easily get to a point where we aren't in the present.  While related, I do think it is important to understand how we start shifting this way, because once that momentum starts, it is pretty tough to change directions after you have been going down the same path for some time.

This goes beyond stopping to smell the roses; this is going to the florist, buying the roses and really appreciating them.

I recently read an article featuring a terminal brain cancer patient who recently won a marathon.  His advice?

"People shouldn't wait to live until they're told they're dying."

I feel like I read a similar article every couple weeks saying the same exact thing: Stop living in the past and stop living for tomorrow.  Find a way to live in the now.  But the thing I find most interesting are the people that are featured in the articles.

Most have had a big transition in their lives, whether changing jobs, moving geographic locations, mid-life crisis' or in the extreme, diagnosis of cancer.  The point is, there was a forced period in their lives that allowed them to stop and smell the flowers, and when they finally were able to, they realized all that they were missing.

I have always struggled to understand why it is so hard to do, but at times it seems impossible to simply stop and reflect on what is presently going on around me.  There is always something on my to-do list that is demanding my focus. There is always something in my past that I wish I could have done better. There is always an excuse to be busy.

The busy excuse is one that so many people use.  I can't even count the amount of times that when I ask how things are going to a friend or colleague, I get "busy," "everything" or something similar -- and I say similar things.  The response comes without even thinking -- it is as if we all need to be busy. Being busy means that we are important; people need more of our time than we have available; our time is too valuable to waste.  But what does this do?  It never gives us time to stop.  Never gives us time to reflect.  Never gives us time to live in the present because we are already on to the next thing.

I feel like I have been searching for the perfect answer for quite some time, whether it is cherishing the small things, looking into meditation or reading articles and books on the subject.  But the truth? I am making it more complicated than it is.  Every article makes it sound so easy and every response in my bones says "it isn't that simple, it isn't that easy."  But it can be if we just take the time to do it.

Don't wait for a major transition. Don't wait until you have no other choice.  Just stop from time to time and do so intentionally.  Set aside time on your calendar, even if it is just for 5 minutes. Turn off your digital connections.  Take time to appreciate the beauty and wonders that this world has to offer and I promise you will never ask for that time back.

Cherish the small things

“Great things are not done by impulse, but by a series of small things brought together."

Vincent van Gogh

I believe that 22 hours of the day are just the motions necessary to fill the time, 1 hour is filled with things that can break you and 1 hour provides the motivation necessary make it through the rest of the day.

I am going to concentrate on just the 2 latter hours: 1 hour of obstacles and 1 hour of “pick me ups.” These 2 hours don’t come in 1 hour blocks; they are broken into chunks of small minutes that are sprinkled throughout the day, creating a roller coaster of highs and lows. Granted, we are so accustomed to these peaks and valleys that it just seems like our day goes on without them, but in reality, they are there.

These are what I call “the small things,” and for simplicity sake, I am going to break them into positive small things (PST) and negative small things (NST).

I consider myself a big picture thinker. There isn’t a ton of stuff that will get me down or throw me for a loop because I constantly try to take a step back and think about what something means to my future. Constantly managing my time and emotions and deciding if things are worth the effort. I have always evaluated life situations by how they impact the expectations I have for my future and reacted accordingly.

In years past, I feel like I have not accurately assessed these situations and over-compensated by dismissing almost all of the small things as NST. I limited my opportunities and experiences simply because I didn’t feel like the emotional/physical effort necessary was not justified by the best possible outcome.

About a year ago, I started to come up with a theory to change this. I decided I would start “balancing the small things” better and started concentrating my life around PST. I wanted to surround myself with those small things that pick you up when you need motivation, which allow you to continue on when you have nothing left. My personal goal was to change that 1 hour of PST into 4 hours each day. I joined personal training sessions, I changed my eating habits, I started taking vocal lessons, I started running, and I started reading more, etc.

Essentially, what I had attempted to do was increase the number of hours I had vested into PST, therefore shifting the balance of positive energy in my life. And it worked! I was feeling great about myself, my life and where it was heading.

But here is the thing: all of these things were no longer small parts of my life, they were no longer “small things” and eventually, concentrating on them wasn’t giving me the same joy that it was when I first started this little project of mine. Now, I have made some life changes that I hope I never lose, but somehow my experiment went wrong.

So here is what I learned: There will always be NST and PST and you cannot increase time to a certain PST in an attempt to become happier, because it will naturally no longer be a small thing and will turn into one of the thousands of motions throughout your day.

Instead, focus your energy on those PST. Appreciate them. Really. Take the time to recognize those things and concentrate your emotions on them. Your frame of mind can be more powerful than you can imagine.

I am going to give you guys a very simple, silly example of exactly what I mean.

I work on the 22nd floor of a 48 floor building which houses 3 different elevator banks. My elevator bank goes from 21 to 36 so, when I get on the elevator, there is only one possible stop prior to me getting to my floor when going up or to the lobby when going down. Since 21 is the reception desk, more often than not, someone goes to 21, so I always have to wait an extra 5 seconds in the elevator to get to my floor. BUT, sometimes, just sometimes, no one pushes 21. Amazing, I go straight to my destination! (I told you this is a silly example.) But let’s think, if one day the 21st floor went under construction and no one was allowed on that floor, I would be guaranteed to never have to waste my 5 precious seconds waiting for people to get on and off the elevator. And sure, it would be nice, but it wouldn’t be anything special, it would just become another motion in my day.

The point is, I can appreciate the times that I do get to go straight to 22 but if I increased that frequency, it would ruin the experience. Not to say it wouldn’t make my life easier or better, it just would no longer be a PST that I can turn to to give me little sparks of comfort and joy.

From all that I have learned, happiness is not something we can buy or force, it is simply a positive mindset reinforced by the great idiosyncrasies in our life.